|Basic InformationLatest NewsQuestions and Answers|SexAnxiety and SexSexual Obsession? OCD?Is The Word 'Not' Missing?Help me Fight With my Sex DriveAnxiety Over Sexual FantasyWhen I Talk to Women My Eyes Fall on Their Boobs AutomaticallyDifferences in BedMy Boyfriend Cannot Have SEXEx-Girl Friends Pictures on Boyfriend's ComputerHow Can We Stop Our relationship From Falling Apart?Husband Never Wants Sex, Prefers to Masturbate. I'm Lonely...How to Prevent Any Relapse Into Pornography?Should I be Discouraging my Girlfriend's Masochistic Fantasies?Lack of Sex Drive at a Young age?Strange Sexual Fantasies Sex Feels Wrong Now That I'm PregnantFriends with BenefitsIs My Boyfriend Suffering From Some Kind of Sexual Problem or Is He Lazy in Sex?Intercourse Doesn't WorkSexual Genetic Programming Difficult to ControlCan a Marriage Survive Without Sex?Can We Make This WorkCan Attraction Come Back?Fear of Sex in Hubby Due to ED and Constriction in ChestWhy Won't He Have Sex With Me?Alcohol, No Sex, No Intimacy...Why Am I Here?Is He Gay?I'm Really Lost Too Different?No Sex Drive - EverHe Doesn't Feel the Same Way About Me But... HELP, With My Sexuality?My Boyfriend Has NO Sex DriveSame-Sex (Gay Boyfriend) Doesn't Desire Sex... Why?I'm 21, Female, With No Sex Dive, and it is Ruining my MarriageHow do I Reconnect With my Partner?Growing Apart In A Marriage Is It Him Who Is Too Hard To Trust Or Is It Me?What Is Happening To Me?No SexSingle Mom in Relationship, Withholding Affection, Stand-Off?My Boyfriend Wants to Experiment With MenMy Fiancee, The Wall Is UpI Think My Husband has Sex and Intimacy IssuesHow Can I Talk About My Greatest Fear?Husband and DaughterInorgasmiaOverdriven and Uncontrolled Sex Drive Needs Daily MasturbationHow Can I Recover My Sexual Drive that has Diminshed Severely Post-Surgery?Is it Transference or A Real Crush?Bipolar and sexual dysfunction?It Just Keeps Getting Worse, SarahMask and Encasement Fetish, MeteNo Sex DriveFiancee is bi-sexual I feel ugly and smell and smell down below. Is this normal?Holding ThroatSadistic Sexual Fantasies - Erotica.My wife and her sexualityI can't stop jerking off! How can I stop masturbating?My girlfriend and I have been having intercourse for over 2 1/2 years and she has yet to orgasmHow Can I Aviod Sexual Anxiety?My depressed husband won't sleep with me. What should I do?Religious wife is conflicted over husband's desire for anal playA wife writes: "Somehow, we have not yet had sexual intercourse"Rough SexWhy is he ruining our relationship?Religious wife regrets premarital sex; won't sleep with husbandSexual AnxietySex is great, but I dont like to do it.I beg you to give me your suggestions - Saman - Aug 4th 2008 "A Man's Perspective," Nick H. July 9, Men, Women, Marriage and SexI am a beautiful girl.....so why is my boyfriend selfish in bed?Alarming childhood issueRough SexChronic User-NEED ADVICE - Bryan - Mar 12th 2008Low Sex DriveSmoking fetish- looking for helpIs My Husband Gay ?Husband has low sex drivegender hatredBored husbandLooking at other women's breastsMy fiancée left me because of my past porn useSame Sex CuriosityNever been kissed but wanting sex ... (please help advise)Can I become a virgin again?Asexuality?Nude women an issue?swingerI have to imagine I'm a sex victimWe don't get much enjoyment from sexIs something wrong with me? (sexual question)Sexually Frustrated in KansasTerrified I'll Do something Sexually InappropriateHow can I stop using Porn?Boyfriend Talks DirtyOnline GamesFrustrated LesbianGay PornBondage and DisciplineCompulsive SexDecreased InterestCompulsive Internet Porn UseProper Sex Not HappeningTroubled MarriageI Rarely Want To Have SexMy Husband Won't Touch MeA Sexual ProblemLacking In IntimacyAmbivalent ExhibitionistI'm 40 But Still Feel Like A Teenager When SexualPornography #1Is Male Interest In Pornography Normal?I Think He May Be GayHusband Hates SexWants To Cross DressAntidepressants and Sexual DesireLow Sexual DesireIt's Not The PillsAftermath of the ThreesomeSexual Disorder?Sleep TalkerAm I A Prude?MasturbationLack of InterestCross-Dressing BoyfriendNo Desire For Sex 2Was I Sexually Abused?Can A Marriage Withstand Group Sex?Sex and IntimacyUncomfortably NumbNot There for MeI've Lost Interest in SexLosing My Sex Appeal?Orgasm Without Sex?!My Sex Drive is Out of Control!Sexual FantasiesTumultuous RelationshipMy Husband is a Cross-DresserArousal Disorder?Recovery TimeShould I Swing?Orgasmlessjb writes:VideosLinksBook Reviews
Bondage and DisciplineSat, Apr 30th 2005
I am a separated 40 year old female with a 14 year old daughter. I met a 35 year old man online who is also separated from his spouse. The online relationship has blossomed into a real life relationship and he has recently relocated to live with his parents while getting back on his feet. We get along very well and have many common interests. There are somethings in his past which are bothering me. Firstly he was a drug addict/alcoholic until 1999 when he quit both cold turkey. He had to declare bankruptcy because of his drug usage and has that on his record. He also is involved in the BDSM lifestyle which I myself have had very limited involvement with. I recently found out that he and his wife had a 24/7 Master/Slave relationship in which she could not own anything (everything was in his name alone), she could not make any decisions on her own or do anything/go anywhere without him/his permission (she couldn't have any friends,he moved them to another state away from family, nor could she go outside of their small apartment without him. He said for her *safety*). We discussed this and I told him I am NOT into that lifestyle at all nor would I ever be and he said that was fine that he loved me for who I am and that he didn't want another relationship of that type (It was his second.) I personally am repulsed at the idea of such a lifestyle and I've lost some respect for him. I believe (I could be wrong) these relationships to be mentally abusive. He keeps saying that it isn't that some women just need a strong male to take care of them, make all their decisions for them and protect them. I say perhaps those women need some therapy to find some self esteem and self worth. I told him he should have helped his wife by getting her counseling, he said she didn't need it that she knew what she was getting into as he was her third *Master/Husband*. This is really bothering me and even though I love this man with all my heart I keep wondering if I should devote my life to him as prior to finding this out, we really had a wonderful relationship. Am I over reacting? or should I be worried? You name three things about your man that you are concerned about: addiction, bankruptcy, and involvement in a bondage and dominance lifestyle. Of these three (all worthy 'red flags' so far as I am concerned), you appear to be most torn up about knowing about past relationships he was involved in. You're wondering if those past relationships were abusive, and by extension, if the relationship you have forged with this man could turn abusive. Hard questions really, and, as I seem to have misplaced my crystal ball, I cannot predict the future for you today. I can tell you my opinions about the flags you have raised.
THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION WILL NOT BE DISPLAYED UNTIL YOU HAVE INDICATED YOUR AGREEMENT WITH THE DISCLAIMER PRINTED JUST BELOW. CLICK THE 'I AGREE' BUTTON TO AGREE TO THESE TERMS AND SEE THE RESPONSE.
- 'Anne' is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
- 'Anne' bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
- Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by 'Anne' to people submitting questions.
- 'Anne', Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. 'Anne' and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.