|Basic InformationLatest NewsQuestions and Answers|SexAnxiety and SexSexual Obsession? OCD?Is The Word 'Not' Missing?Help me Fight With my Sex DriveAnxiety Over Sexual FantasyWhen I Talk to Women My Eyes Fall on Their Boobs AutomaticallyDifferences in BedMy Boyfriend Cannot Have SEXEx-Girl Friends Pictures on Boyfriend's ComputerHow Can We Stop Our relationship From Falling Apart?Husband Never Wants Sex, Prefers to Masturbate. I'm Lonely...How to Prevent Any Relapse Into Pornography?Should I be Discouraging my Girlfriend's Masochistic Fantasies?Lack of Sex Drive at a Young age?Strange Sexual Fantasies Sex Feels Wrong Now That I'm PregnantFriends with BenefitsIs My Boyfriend Suffering From Some Kind of Sexual Problem or Is He Lazy in Sex?Intercourse Doesn't WorkSexual Genetic Programming Difficult to ControlCan a Marriage Survive Without Sex?Can We Make This WorkCan Attraction Come Back?Fear of Sex in Hubby Due to ED and Constriction in ChestWhy Won't He Have Sex With Me?Alcohol, No Sex, No Intimacy...Why Am I Here?Is He Gay?I'm Really Lost Too Different?No Sex Drive - EverHe Doesn't Feel the Same Way About Me But... HELP, With My Sexuality?My Boyfriend Has NO Sex DriveSame-Sex (Gay Boyfriend) Doesn't Desire Sex... Why?I'm 21, Female, With No Sex Dive, and it is Ruining my MarriageHow do I Reconnect With my Partner?Growing Apart In A Marriage Is It Him Who Is Too Hard To Trust Or Is It Me?What Is Happening To Me?No SexSingle Mom in Relationship, Withholding Affection, Stand-Off?My Boyfriend Wants to Experiment With MenMy Fiancee, The Wall Is UpI Think My Husband has Sex and Intimacy IssuesHow Can I Talk About My Greatest Fear?Husband and DaughterInorgasmiaOverdriven and Uncontrolled Sex Drive Needs Daily MasturbationHow Can I Recover My Sexual Drive that has Diminshed Severely Post-Surgery?Is it Transference or A Real Crush?Bipolar and sexual dysfunction?It Just Keeps Getting Worse, SarahMask and Encasement Fetish, MeteNo Sex DriveFiancee is bi-sexual I feel ugly and smell and smell down below. Is this normal?Holding ThroatSadistic Sexual Fantasies - Erotica.My wife and her sexualityI can't stop jerking off! How can I stop masturbating?My girlfriend and I have been having intercourse for over 2 1/2 years and she has yet to orgasmHow Can I Aviod Sexual Anxiety?My depressed husband won't sleep with me. What should I do?Religious wife is conflicted over husband's desire for anal playA wife writes: "Somehow, we have not yet had sexual intercourse"Rough SexWhy is he ruining our relationship?Religious wife regrets premarital sex; won't sleep with husbandSexual AnxietySex is great, but I dont like to do it.I beg you to give me your suggestions - Saman - Aug 4th 2008 "A Man's Perspective," Nick H. July 9, Men, Women, Marriage and SexI am a beautiful girl.....so why is my boyfriend selfish in bed?Alarming childhood issueRough SexChronic User-NEED ADVICE - Bryan - Mar 12th 2008Low Sex DriveSmoking fetish- looking for helpIs My Husband Gay ?Husband has low sex drivegender hatredBored husbandLooking at other women's breastsMy fiancée left me because of my past porn useSame Sex CuriosityNever been kissed but wanting sex ... (please help advise)Can I become a virgin again?Asexuality?Nude women an issue?swingerI have to imagine I'm a sex victimWe don't get much enjoyment from sexIs something wrong with me? (sexual question)Sexually Frustrated in KansasTerrified I'll Do something Sexually InappropriateHow can I stop using Porn?Boyfriend Talks DirtyOnline GamesFrustrated LesbianGay PornBondage and DisciplineCompulsive SexDecreased InterestCompulsive Internet Porn UseProper Sex Not HappeningTroubled MarriageI Rarely Want To Have SexMy Husband Won't Touch MeA Sexual ProblemLacking In IntimacyAmbivalent ExhibitionistI'm 40 But Still Feel Like A Teenager When SexualPornography #1Is Male Interest In Pornography Normal?I Think He May Be GayHusband Hates SexWants To Cross DressAntidepressants and Sexual DesireLow Sexual DesireIt's Not The PillsAftermath of the ThreesomeSexual Disorder?Sleep TalkerAm I A Prude?MasturbationLack of InterestCross-Dressing BoyfriendNo Desire For Sex 2Was I Sexually Abused?Can A Marriage Withstand Group Sex?Sex and IntimacyUncomfortably NumbNot There for MeI've Lost Interest in SexLosing My Sex Appeal?Orgasm Without Sex?!My Sex Drive is Out of Control!Sexual FantasiesTumultuous RelationshipMy Husband is a Cross-DresserArousal Disorder?Recovery TimeShould I Swing?Orgasmlessjb writes:VideosLinksBook Reviews
Husband Never Wants Sex, Prefers to Masturbate. I'm Lonely...Mon, Jul 9th 2012
After my husband and I became engaged he shared with me that he likes BDSM-type behavior. It is not my thing but I decided to be a good partner/lover and give it a go, figuring we could do some of what he likes and some of what I like, taking turns and such. It worked for a while. Then, we decided to try to have a baby...it wasn't easy and we were never successful.
However, our sex life took a hit and I stopped being pushy about foreplay during ovulation time. Sometimes he loses his erection if foreplay goes on a while. Then, he got one of those fetish hoods. I allowed it on occasion because he liked it so much. He says it helps him relax because it blocks out sights and sounds around him (no distractions). Then, he started wanting to wear it more and more, and now, almost daily, his preference is to put on the hood and lock himself in the closet and leave me a key. He masturbates and will be in there for hours. Just because I bring him the key doesn't mean he's coming right out.
Fast forward to now. I'm lonely and frustrated. I haven't been kissed, REALLY kissed, in a few years at least. There is zero foreplay and he NEVER initiates sex. He almost always wants to go sit in the closet with his hood on before sex, to grow his erection, I suppose. There's no eye contact, no touching, nothing.
I have found myself wanting to stray. I love him, so much...but I feel unwanted and undesired. Just as a side, he also has social issues, too. He's very uncomfortable in crowds and meeting new people. Social anxiety, I guess you'd say. He refuses counseling and I just feel stuck. Stuck and lonely.
THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION WILL NOT BE DISPLAYED UNTIL YOU HAVE INDICATED YOUR AGREEMENT WITH THE DISCLAIMER PRINTED JUST BELOW. CLICK THE 'I AGREE' BUTTON TO AGREE TO THESE TERMS AND SEE THE RESPONSE.
- Dr. Schwartz responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
- Dr. Schwartz intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by Dr. Schwartz to people submitting questions.
- Dr. Schwartz, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. Dr. Schwartz and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.